"Okay horse now walk"
Horse: *walks*
"Okay horse now trot"
Horse: what, you think I'm against actually existing socialism? Get the fuck off

from Twitter

OK, your turn....

Okay, this is the only one I know (I've told it before):

Trotsky and his wife are screwing and Old Leo is taking too long, so she says, "Come on Leo, you're stallin' "! So he shot her.

a cartoon

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CgGd7ekXEAE6gqn.jpg

not real funny but it is good

a cartoon

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CgGd7ekXEAE6gqn.jpg

not real funny but it is good

I'm impressed that Groening knows who Rosa was and that he put it together with Sanders' lame democratic socialism.

Oldie but goodie:http://www.angryflower.com/atlass.gif

My brother and I started talking about Marx and decided that we might accept braiding his beard but that's where we draw the line -- no trimming allowed. I actually think beard-braiding is a very hippie-ish thing to do, but I suppose its not heretical.

So he shot her

More like, Natalia threw a party and he denounced it as degenerate.

More like, Natalia threw a party and he denounced it as degenerate.[/COLOR]

Or he called it a deformed workers' party. And Igor says, "What hump?"

To be posted on libertarian site:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ChKmJKLWwAAvII_.jpg

To be posted on libertarian site:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ChKmJKLWwAAvII_.jpg

That is funny...

a good 'un.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ch0cByeUUAALbDM.jpg

Man, that is pitiful. And so close to true, it is sickening (and funny)...

Posted on Twitter, I had this album as a kid.


http://youtu.be/XrfIoWiQS24

Ain't exactly the Manifesto but it's a fine sentiment.

Ain't exactly the Manifesto but it's a fine sentiment.

Sometimes you just have to shorten a ruler a little bit...

Help Obama Kickstart WWIII


http://youtu.be/z-sdO6pwVHQ

Not Commie per se but it will do.

Not Commie per se but it will do.

Commie may be too hard, but getting the war thing is a big step.

Beyoncé Defending North Korea Now
ON JUNE 3, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULA

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/06/beyonce.jpg?w=640&h=400

NEW YORK CITY – Pop singer and cultural icon Beyoncé has finally weighed in on the issue all leftists in the United States were waiting with baited breath to hear her views on: the DPRK.

“Obviously on some level North Korea has descended into revisionism. It’s enough to read Bill Bland’s work to know that. While I don’t agree with his entire theoretical output, on the DPRK I can say we more or less have unity.

“I’m not going to pretend that Juche doesn’t deviate from some fairly core Marxist-Leninist principles, and the DPRK’s decision to put this at the centre of their theory and practice is cause for serious concern, but we still have to defend the DPRK against the imperialists, whose anger at the DPRK is not explainable by the so-called ‘dictatorship’ in place there, but rather by the profit motive which drives them to exploit all the resources of Korea, including the labour force, without any resistance.

“On the other hand, I don’t know if it’s so simple that we should claim we defend revisionist socialisms, as it were, on anti-imperialist grounds alone. This is an almost positivist approach to class struggle which we, as dialectical materialists, should have moved beyond.

“It’s quite vulgar to simply cast ourselves as the pure anti-revisionists against the revisionists. We’d scarcely be better than Trotskyites in that case. No, revisionism is a complex process and if we really want to struggle against revisionism, we have to engage more deeply with our comrades in Korea than those who simply wash their hands of the matter.

“Regardless, whether or not the Workers’ Party of Korea can be rectified and brought back into the fold of the proletarian ideology, I would like to endorse Kim Yo-jong to replace her brother should anything happen to him.

“Who run the world? Girls!”

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/06/03/beyonce-defending-north-korea-now/

Edit: A twitter post from same source:


Everyone's a little bit Hoxhaite. Just like everyone's a little bit gay.

Everyone's a little bit of a gay Hoxhaite.

food for thought...

Everyone's a little bit Hoxhaite. Just like everyone's a little bit gay.

Everyone's a little bit of a gay Hoxhaite.

Made me spit my drink. Beyoncé (I don't know how to do those elipse things - Hey, it automatically put in the little elipse thing!) is a supporter of BLM (or, at least she appears to be one), so she must be radical, right? Because, we can't grasp marketing, ya know?

Venezuela Making King of Norway Doubt Merits of Rentier Social Democracy
ON JUNE 8, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN NORWAY, VENEZUELA
https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/06/kingfuckingston.jpg?w=640

OSLO – Bernie Sanders’s favourite socialist leader and last bastion of struggle against EU imperialism, King Harald V of Norway, today revealed to our Worker’s Spatula correspondent in Oslo his concerns about Venezuela and its implications for the Norwegian model.

“Ever since the war in Libya, I’ve been concerned that our gradualist approach to socialism presented too long of a period of transition, allowing sabotage by the imperialists. Venezuela has been a concern in this area for a long time, and now everyone’s seeing how serious of a problem this is.

“In fact, I had discussed the matter with Comrades Gaddafi and Chavez before their respective tragic deaths…” said the 79-year-old monarch as he gazed sadly out the palace window.

“The problem is, if there’s one country that is more gradual than any other in its march to socialism, it is Norway, where we are so conservative in our struggle against the forces of reaction that I am in power,” he said looking our interviewer directly in the eyes.

Influential Norwegian Marxist theoretician Elling Borgersrud expressed frustration with the king’s stubborn refusal to draw the necessary conclusions: “We’ve been saying this for years, and I think the time has come for the king to just admit it: Social democracy may be good in theory, but it doesn’t work in practice.

“I think I speak for the entire people of Norway when I say that the time has come for the king to carry out a resolute offensive against the kulaks, the comprador bourgeoisie, and the aristocracy.”

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/06/08/venezuela-making-king-of-norway-doubt-merits-of-rentier-social-democracy/

So Clinton weighed in on the latest Trump controversy over the "Mexican" judge saying "No one is safe from his insults"

Maybe she was talking about this guy

http://media.tumblr.com/4c70ef7c9f30c6f0ab80ca3e459e9b84/tumblr_inline_namlbmj5KC1r3fbvz.gif

A goodly portion of our humour lies in how laughable these fools truly are.

So Clinton weighed in on the latest Trump controversy over the "Mexican" judge saying "No one is safe from his insults"

Maybe she was talking about this guy

http://media.tumblr.com/4c70ef7c9f30c6f0ab80ca3e459e9b84/tumblr_inline_namlbmj5KC1r3fbvz.gif

A goodly portion of our humour lies in how laughable these fools truly are.

Ya know, they say our humor is 'mean-spirited'. Yet much bourgeois 'humor' is at the expense of minorities. These fucks deserve every brickbat they get.

Damn anarchists

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CkrPB8tXEAAE2pM.jpg:large

Sanders Delivers Concession Speech
ON JUNE 8, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULA
SandersConcedes

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/06/sandersconcedes.jpg?w=640

MONTPELLIER, VERMONT – This morning, social democrat Bernie Sanders called a surprise press conference to declare his concession of the candidacy to Hillary Clinton, known to Worker’s Spatula staff as the coup-plotter who killed Comrade Berta.

What follows is a rush transcription of Senator Sanders’s concession speech:

Friends, comrades, Americans, Canadians:

My name is Bernard Sanders. I am here before you today, not as your president, but as a defeated old man who drinks a lot of soup. My name is Bernard Sanders.

It’s been a wild ride. Remember when Black Lives Matter showed up? I didn’t know how to react. With the shouting and the fists. Good times though. Good people.

*Hacking cough*

Black lives do matter. They matter a lot to me personally. And they matter to Hillary Clinton. But she just has a funny way of showing it, that’s all. I know Killer Mike said some things. And Ice Cube. And most politically conscious Afro-Americans with a soapbox that will allow us to listen to them. But let’s not let ourselves be divided or confused. They’re just passionate. We need that. We need that passion. If anyone knows passion, it’s me. And possibly Hillary Clinton. But mostly me. My name is Bernard Sanders.

I’m not going to lie to you, if Clinton gets elected, all you young people are going to drown in student debt. Whereas if I was elected, just most of you would drown in student debt. But no matter how many of you drown in student debt, know that Wall Street is to blame. Always stay united. United in struggle. My name is Bernard Sanders.

Remember the bird? I loved that bird. That bird filled me with hope. We all need a little hope sometimes. Keep hopin’. Keep dreamin’. Stay united. United States. America.

*Hums “This Land Is Your Land” for a few seconds before resuming*

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what’s going to happen with the rest of the election. If there’s one thing I’ve always tried to emphasise, it’s the masses. Chairman Mao taught us that “the masses are the real heroes, while we ourselves are often childish and ignorant”. I like that. I like Mao, just like I like all Chinese-Americans, purveyors of high-quality soup that the people can enjoy.

Anyway, if there’s one other candidate who’s mobilising the people, which is the only real path to political change, it’s Donald Trump. So I hope you’ll all vote for him in November. My name is Bernard Sanders.
Colonel Sanders coughed for a few seconds to scattered applause before exiting stage left and pounding fists with the local Worker’s Spatula correspondent.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/06/08/sanders-delivers-concession-speech/

Not bad, but I expect the actual speech to be even more ludicrous.

Not bad, but I expect the actual speech to be even more ludicrous.

I was wondering how Worker's Spatula got this scoop and none of the networks got it. The Mao part was very good. I had a small exchange on the twit with some Sandernista who said "Nice piece from ... on "How the establishment has worked to discredit Sanders’ movement.""

Dhal: What "credit" does the "Sanders movement" actually have?

Sandernista: What issue would you like to know more about?

D: Pick your best issue.

S: So many to choose from! How about on getting money out of politics?

D: What are his concrete moves to bring that about?

S: Showing you can run a successful campaign without Super PAC money & elevating the issue are a great start, I think.

D:Successful means winning. Sorry, but his campaign lost. How would he have gotten big money out of politics had he won?

S: I don't agree with your former statement. On the latter, I'm sure his SCOTUS appointments & executive actions would be a start.

D:!

I am not making this up. I asked him for straight forward issue points - of his own choosing - and this was the best he could come up with! This is a guy who is a devout follower, a fanboy, and he has absolutely nothing. "SCOTUS" and "executive actions"? And this is some kind of "movement"?

Now that's comedy!

I was wondering how Worker's Spatula got this scoop and none of the networks got it. The Mao part was very good. I had a small exchange on the twit with some Sandernista who said "Nice piece from ... on "How the establishment has worked to discredit Sanders’ movement.""

Dhal: What "credit" does the "Sanders movement" actually have?

Sandernista: What issue would you like to know more about?

D: Pick your best issue.

S: So many to choose from! How about on getting money out of politics?

D: What are his concrete moves to bring that about?

S: Showing you can run a successful campaign without Super PAC money & elevating the issue are a great start, I think.

D:Successful means winning. Sorry, but his campaign lost. How would he have gotten big money out of politics had he won?

S: I don't agree with your former statement. On the latter, I'm sure his SCOTUS appointments & executive actions would be a start.

D:!

I am not making this up. I asked him for straight forward issue points - of his own choosing - and this was the best he could come up with! This is a guy who is a devout follower, a fanboy, and he has absolutely nothing. "SCOTUS" and "executive actions"? And this is some kind of "movement"?

Now that's comedy!

Funny. So is this: http://www.votepact.org/

This from twitter...


blindpigii ‏@blindpigII 1h1 hour ago
@samhusseini There will never be a viable people's party in the US until the Democratic Party 's credibility as people's party is ended.
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Sam Husseini
‏@samhusseini
.@blindpigII it has no credibility to speak of, other than fear of the Republican Party. And vice verse. http://Votepact.org solves that
5:20 AM - 14 Jun 2016
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blindpigii ‏@blindpigII 20m20 minutes ago
@samhusseini I see your point though seems more complicated to follow through. More partial to shooting for the smallest turnout in history.
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Sam Husseini ‏@samhusseini 9m9 minutes ago
.@blindpigII What does that buy other than increased alienation?..Violent revolution? Been done, not always good outcome. Whos got the guns?
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blindpigii ‏@blindpigII 7m7 minutes ago
@samhusseini You think RC will allow itself to be supplanted without resorting to violence? Good luck.


Fuckin' liberals...

Fuckin' liberals...

I had to look twice to make sure that votepact.org wasn't a parody site. Jesus Cracker what a loony-bin.


That energy should not go toward helping Trump: Some of Sanders’ backers have been rallying around “Bernie or Bust.” While I appreciate the sentiment, it needs to be more strategic than that. Many progressives and other supporters of Sanders correctly note that giving up on the electoral system, or voting third party when someone has a preference for Clinton over Trump, can be self defeating. Of course, if someone has equal distaste for Trump and Clinton, then one can simply vote for any independent candidate of their choice, but the reality is that many will feel compelled to vote for Clinton because they so fear and loath Trump — just as many will feel drawn to voting for Trump because of hatred toward Clinton.

How to resolve this?

What I suggest at VotePact.org for Sanders supporters to do now: Reach out to Republicans in your life. Make a pact: You vote for an independent party candidate, like the Greens (Jill Stein is the likely nominee) or a socialist candidate and your Republican friend, relative, co-worker, whatever, votes for some candidate other than Trump. They can vote for the Libertarian (they just launched their Gary Johnson – William Weld ticket, both former Republican governors) or the Constitution party.

This way, you both get your political freedom. You’re free of voting for Clinton with all of her lies and hypocrisies, her wars and Wall Street ties. And your friend is free of any compulsion to vote for Trump with all of this misogyny and racism.

"This way you get your political freedom"? This doesn't even make the very least bit of sense. This is the best "progressives" have got? What if your Republican "friend" screws you and votes for Trump, anyway? Oops! I mean, you'd be asking for a fucking, right?

This is just too funny...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ClvWPKpWMAAng1m.jpg:large

so then, what kind is left?

so then, what kind is left?

Well, one kind would be Mikhail Bakunin. And he'd kill all these others, just as soon as he could...

Replacing the cult of God by respect and love of humanity, we proclaim human reason as the only criterion of truth; human conscience as the basis of justice; individual and collective freedom as the only source of order in society.

Freedom is the absolute right of every adult man and woman to seek no other sanction for their acts than their own conscience and their own reason, being responsible first to themselves and then to the society which they have voluntarily accepted.

It is not true that the freedom of one man is limited by that of other men. Man is really free to the extent that his freedom, fully acknowledged and mirrored by the free consent of his fellowmen, finds confirmation and expansion in their liberty. Man is truly free only among equally free men; the slavery of even one human being violates humanity and negates the freedom of all.

The freedom of each is therefore realizable only in the equality of all. The realization of freedom through equality, in principle and in fact, is justice.

If there is one fundamental principle of human morality, it is freedom. To respect the freedom of your fellowman is duty; to love, help, and serve him is virtue.

https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/bakunin/works/1866/catechism.htm

Much more at MIA. Bakunin wouldn't piss on these modern day "anarchists".

Happy Bastille Day!

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CnVVcK2VIAEQbW-.jpg

File under 'ruthless self-criticism'...

“Why are the Dumb Masses Abandoning Us?” asks CPI(M)

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/07/westbengal.jpg?w=640&h=480

ON JULY 23, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN CPI(MARXIST), IMCWP, INDIA
WestBengal

KOLKATA – “We’re suffering in the polls again!” cried local ‘communist revolutionary’ Laxman Chandra Pilao as he stepped out onto the street to meet with our local correspondent, whose hand he briskly shaked without stopping as he strode forward into the street. “I don’t know how we’re going to recover from the last election at this rate. Come quickly, don’t delay.”

“There’s only one thing to do” Pilao exclaimed as he grabbed a ‘chai’ tea from a chaiwala, forgetting to leave money. As our correspondent tried to quickly count out the appropriate amount for the chaiwala, he noticed that Pilao was escaping around the corner, styrofoam cup of piping hot tea in hand. “It’s clear that we just need to go to the masses and explain to them that we are still their favourite party, even if some of them seem to be forgetting it.”

“Why do you suppose they’re forgetting it?” asked our correspondent, quite earnestly.

“Modi magic is still alive, for one thing. Also, Congress types keep fiendishly running against us in elections. Elections are very important to CPI(M) because we use them to expose groups like Congress.”

His comrade, Dhanesh Kar, speaking to our correspondent at his union office later that day, concurred: “Congress are like Tito, they may look progressive, but given the slightest chance and they will completely sell their souls to imperialism. Unfortunately, for some reason people can’t see the difference between us and Congress, so we might as well run together to increase our visibility to the stupid, blind masses.”

“I’m out here, every day, trying to tell these people to stop abandoning us,” informed local ‘militant’ Raghavaram Khichuri. “They seem more interested in their everyday problems, which could easily be solved if the CPI(M) were given total power in West Bengal!” he said, referring to the party which dominated state politics for three decades.

“We are called the communist party! That makes us important, and if the people don’t see that, then they are objective agents of fascism!”

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/07/23/why-are-the-dumb-masses-abandoning-us-asks-cpim/

It's what happens when you play in the booj sandbox too long. Communist must maintain the highest standards.

Ain't really funny...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CoxjrS0UAAASONr.jpg

So, what's after farce?

“I Have Read Adorno,” Announces Sam Kriss

ON AUGUST 1, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN ACADEMIC LEFT

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/kriss.jpg?w=352&h=469

LONDON – In a recent thinkpiece for VICE, freelance writer and vanguard of the thinkpiece-active hipster left Sam Kriss announced that he has indeed read at least one book by Adorno, and, in fact, he intends to read more.

“I have read Adorno,” the piece began, “and I think it is important that all of you know this. I have read Adorno, and I daresay that I enjoyed doing so. I hope this doesn’t put any of you off.”

Kriss went on to elaborate that, as one of the most important left public intellectuals, it is his responsibility to apply his intimate knowledge of the famed Frankfurt School theorist to pressing questions of the day, such as what Slavoj Žižek’s testicles probably look like, whether Star Wars is Maoist, or whether playing video games in your spare time is revolutionary or counter-revolutionary.

The shocking revelation has so captured the attention of Marxists around the world that Kriss was immediately approached for an interview by Jacobin to detail the implications of this revelation.

“Freud. Hegel,” he continued, when pressed for details on the development of his theoretical approach, “Lukács. With the accent mark.”

As of press time, Kriss was in the midst of a long and vigorous affirmation of the fact that, yes, he has indeed read quite a bit of Lacan.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/08/01/i-have-read-adorno-announces-sam-kriss/

Ain't really funny...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CoxjrS0UAAASONr.jpg

So, what's after farce?

Maybe Hillary will run the Daisy ad. Post-farce.

Clinton Supporters Establish Middle Korea
ON AUGUST 4, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN CPC (CHINA), KOREA, US, WPK
MiddleKorea

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/middlekorea.jpg?w=640

THE JOINT SECURITY AREA, KOREA – In what is being billed as a heroic gesture of good will by the Clinton campaign, and a poorly thought-through intervention in the internal affairs of another country which serves to foreshadow what Clinton’s rule will be like by nearly all sections of the US Left, Clinton supporters have travelled to Korea to reunite it through the establishment of a third state claimant to legitimate authority over the Korean Peninsula.

The Somewhat Popular, Somewhat Democratic Republic of Korea (SPSDRK), colloquially to be known as “Middle Korea”, was established in the dead of night by a crack team of Clinton supporters who constructed the various government offices and military emplacements in the middle of the Korean Demilitarised Zone under fire from both DPRK and ROK troops.

One 26-year-old “Hillary for America” supporter, Lorenzo O’Hanrahan, pointed to recent polls giving his preferred candidate “an unassailable lead over Trump”: “There seem to be no outstanding political issues in the US; the common-sense candidate is prevailing. So it seemed to be our duty to travel to a part of the world where pragmatism is less evident.”

Former Democratic National Committee Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz has been appointed the first President of the SPSDRK. Stating that “our Korea is already the most popular Korea” and pointing out that it was “clearly the Korea with the most experience in both foreign and domestic US politics, and far more moderate than the competition,” President Schultz predicted the new Korean state would control the entire Korean Peninsula by the end of Hillary Clinton’s second term.

Former Democratic Presidential candidate and born-again Independent Bernie Sanders hailed the new state as “an example of the sort of grassroots initiative that we need to bring about real change that people crave”. He called on his “comrades in the CPC to do everything possible to work with us to help turn Middle Korea into a Scandinavian socialist democracy”.

Not to be one-upped, Donald Trump has promised that in the event of his election victory, he will run for the offices of President of the Republic of Korea and Premier of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, on a platform of “mak[ing] Korea great again”.

Unfortunately, neither government of the two longer-established states on the Korean Peninsula responded favourably to the intrusion, with the DPRK announcing a series of military exercises and ballistic missile tests, and the ROK issuing a cryptic statement warning Hillary Clinton supporters not to leave any fans switched on any time soon.

UPDATE: UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has responded to the establishment of “Middle Korea” by stating that the entire international community should stand behind what is now clearly the only option for the reunification of the Korean Peninsula. Further, he has proposed solving the Cyprus problem by handing over control of the entire island to the Turkish Orthodox Church.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/08/04/clinton-supporters-establish-middle-korea/

Humourless Marxist Reviews: Sausage Party
ON AUGUST 14, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN ACADEMIC LEFT, FARC, HUMOURLESS MARXIST REVIEWS
Dialectics

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/dialectics.jpg?w=640

“Sausage Party” is the latest film from Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, names most Marxists will recognise for their role in the extremely controversial film “The Interview”, controversial of course because of its retrograde gender politics.

Unfortunately for those hopeful that our thousands of e-mails have enlightened Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg about the ways in which their art reinforces a toxic masculinity and overt chauvinism towards women and sexual minorities, “Sausage Party” is similarly crass and heterosexist. I personally wish I could un-watch it, especially now that I know I have to file a lawsuit for theft of intellectual property.

You see, I sent in a suspiciously similar script entitled “Grocery Store Alienation Nightmare” to Jonah Hill, who owed us a favour after his usual guy got locked up and we hooked him up with some primo FARC blow. Jonah Hill is a massive cocaine addict, is what I’m saying.

Now I always thought Hill’s assessment of my script as “terrible” and “bullshit” and “go kill yourself” was a bit harsh. But even after “Sausage Party” trailers came out, I didn’t suspect the rejection was just cover for stealing my work to profit off of. I understand that not everyone is cut out to write for Hollywood. It’s a tough town. Especially if you’re looking to securely purchase high-quality cocaine with some regularity, Jonah.

But now that I’ve seen the film, it’s obvious: “Sausage Party” is my film, changed from a chilling surrealist fantasy about alienation in contemporary society told through the medium of anthropomorphic foodstuffs and faceless grocery store staff, to a vulgar comedy about sex and religion.

I should be clear: The sex and religion components also stand as evidence for the clear plagiarism at work here. “Grocery Store Alienation Nightmare” also contains hot dogs as stand-ins for for penises and hot dog buns as stand-ins for vaginas. But it is a tasteful hot dog/bun-penis/vagina metaphor set to a soundtrack of melodic death metal. Allow me to quote, to show how the idea of the bun as a mere vessel for the dominance of the hot dog is used as a metaphor to show how differing attitudes towards homosexual men and women are linked to the inherent patriarchal understanding even of these two oppressed groups:


It is no coincidence that while eating hot dogs without a bun is seen as offensive, just as male homosexuality is, it is nonetheless viewed as an act “for itself”. Just as the homosexual man is viewed as pursuing his own (perverse) desires by conservative society, so too is the eater of the bunless hot dog held to be fulfilling their own need to eat (though they may be pitied or mocked for doing so in a “wrong” fashion). However, it is unthinkable to consume a hot dog bun alone. The bun is viewed as “incomplete” without a “filling”, just as lesbians are often accused as not engaging in “legitimate” sex due to the assumed absence of a phallus.

As for religion, there was an extensive section about lavash, but there was no “bagel/lavash” conflict. Instead there was simply a forty page speech about the history of Zionist colonialism which was to be read aloud as the camera hovered motionless over some “Israeli lavash”. The bagel came up in another section in which the reconceptualisation of religion’s role in industrial modernity was investigated. There was a long speech about ISIS which I notice Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg, and Jonah Hill left out. Wouldn’t want anyone to know the truth, would we?

Even though Rogen, Goldberg, and Hill (who supposedly helped with “the story”, more like cut out the genius concepts which stood at the core of my uncredited original script, you powder-nosed hack!) maintained the concept of a religion surrounding food purchase, they made it so that the food believed some sort of salvation lay in their own purchase. It was precisely the opposite in “Grocery Store Alienation Nightmare”, the productive forces who make the food believe that if they work harder, they will one day be paid enough to be free of the crushing alienation. They pray to the God of Profit to smile on them, but the God of Profit serves only the capitalist class, who neither make nor eat the food! Then, when the food is bought, it goes home to a family who stare at the low-quality food which is all they can afford and the daughter screams: “I’m sick of eating this crap!”

Then the bag of potato chips rises out of the grocery bag and opens its mouth to speak:


The maker does not enjoy making me, and the consumer does not enjoy consuming me. My entire life seems pointless, save for this fact: Were I not made, the maker would not be paid their wages, and would starve. Were I not consumed, the consumer would starve. I reproduce a life of servitude, just like the wages earned from my making and spent on my consumption. But one cannot escape what I represent through my non-purchase. I am the totality. I am capitalism. Only by overturning me may true freedom be attained.

In conclusion, my film “Grocery Store Alienation Nightmare” was clearly plagiarised, and worse yet for the cinema-going public, it wasn’t even plagiarised well.

I’ll see you in court, you fucks.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/08/14/humourless-marxist-reviews-sausage-party/

Twitter post:

#IcePicksForTrotsky

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CqN4jUFWEAAgzGK.jpg

Worker's Spatula ‏@WorkersSpatula 11h11 hours ago

We were negating
Then we negated again
In the kitchen
In the shower
In my bed
On the couch
In other words we sublated all over the house
********************************
Mebbe this shudda been in the philosophy thread.

When I hear Communism only works in theory...

https://twitter.com/iwawofficial/status/769182046627299329

Could not figure out how to copy this but I watch it over and over.

So much for gravatis...

When I hear Communism only works in theory...

https://twitter.com/iwawofficial/status/769182046627299329

Could not figure out how to copy this but I watch it over and over.

So much for gravatis...

Man, that's great! I could watch it for an hour - but not sure why...

Mormons Seceding from US while Nobody’s Watching
ON AUGUST 31, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN FRSO (FRSO.ORG), ICOR, ROL, US

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/flagofdeseret.png?w=640

SALT LAKE CITY – With much of the attention of the US and indeed the world focused on the upcoming presidential election in which Hillary Clinton will face off with Donald Trump in a debate many are already describing as “drinking game worthy”, the humble Mormon people are quietly seceding from the United States again.

The US flag has been taken down in all of Utah and much of neighbouring states and replaced with a “Deseret” flag, escaping the notice of everyone on the US coasts where all the news is produced in special news factories.

The Mormon population originally settled in the region to escape persecution by US imperialism, only to strike a deal with Washington later, resulting in the integration of the fledgling Mormon bourgeoisie into the political apparatus of the Yankee bourgeoisie. The alliance is out of step with bourgeois descriptions of the roots of the Utah War, which was supposedly motivated by religious fanaticism on the part of the Mormons and/or a desire to wipe out polygamy on the part of the state. In actuality, the war was about ethics in video game journalism.

Worker’s Spatula correspondents joined a delegation made up principally of local members of the FRSO (the one that calls the other “revisionist”) who travelled to Salt Lake City to discuss strategy and tactics with the Mormon leadership. The aim of the meeting was to get the new Mormon leadership to back various secessionist efforts supported by the FRSO and other Marxist-Leninist organisations who understand national liberation as an important site of struggle within the imperialist United States.

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has long upheld the line of national liberation for the Lamanite people,” President of the State of Deseret Thomas Monson explained to the Marxist-Leninist delegation. “In line with this we are happy to discuss whatever we can do to help the Diné people on our southern border, provided that we be allowed free right to propagate our faith in their territory in the meanwhile.”

“As for the Hamite nation, we’re not against them. We have many Hamite friends.”

The meeting also allowed for a discussion of theoretical and historical matters. Eager to find common ground, the Mormon leadership assured the Marxist-Leninists in attendance that they remained “very grateful to your people, without whom we would all be speaking German”, although they also noted that “a lot of you seem to speak German as well, as do many of us, for reasons of proselytism.”

More dialectically conscious Marxist-Leninists in attendance were disappointed to learn that Mormon doctrine removed the dialectical conception of the Godhead in favour of some bullshit that doesn’t even involve mutual penetration of opposites. The women’s section of Worker’s Spatula was disappointed to find that the Mormon leadership is still not open to the idea of prayer to the Heavenly Mother. The women’s section of the FRSO was disappointed to find out it still does not exist.

US ICOR affiliate Revolutionary Organization of Labor surprised all of those who read their newsletter (mostly Germans, very few actual US citizens) by issuing what can at best be described as a lukewarm response to Mormon secession:

“The Mormon people do not constitute an oppressed nation, but an oppressor nation within the imperialist United States. Therefore, there is no guarantee that their secession will have a progressive effect on the US or the international situation at large. The very fact that nobody has even noticed that they seceded is evidence that they do not play a progressive role. Maybe if they weren’t out in the middle of fucking nowhere, they could do some good.

“For example, we’re here in Boston, which is a large and important city. Granted, nobody in Boston knows it, but at least we are technically here.”

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/08/31/mormons-seceding-from-us-while-nobodys-watching/

“As for the Hamite nation, we’re not against them. We have many Hamite friends.”

Very funny. The whole piece is funny

Capital volume I

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Today in Yesterday: The History of September 11th
ON SEPTEMBER 10, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/nevar4get.jpg?w=640&h=360

BOSTON – It is the common belief of much on the US left that September 11th was invented in 2001 by George W. Bush, as an alibi following his successful piloting of a Boeing 767 into the World Trade Centre. Much of the US left took notice of the renegade day for the first time, and concocted an elaborate conspiracy theory about the US government having done 9/11 once before, in 1973, in Chile. The existence of a country west of Argentina, unlike George W. Bush’s indisputable role in the World Trade Centre attack, remains deeply controversial even among Worker’s Spatula’s finest dialecticians.

However, it may surprise readers to learn that September 11th has indeed existed for many, possibly as many as 100 years. And while many so-called “revolutionaries” in the United States will waste this precious day again this year, discussing Patagonian politics with their uncle who merely wanted to explain that jet fuel can’t melt steel beams, there is one organisation in the United States which is talking about the REAL September 11th. “John Brown”, of the clandestine “CPUSA (Provisional)”, offers his recollections:

On September 11th, 1961, NATLFED, with the help of the CPUSA (Provisional) and the Sandinista National Liberation Front, achieved victory in a grassroots campaign for past due payment of non-unionised construction workers in the Boston area. One of those construction workers went on to join the CPUSA (Provisional), and he continues to organise the unorganised in the Boston area to this day.

This is the September 11th the state doesn’t want you to know about, man. It’s the story of everyday working people, coming together thanks to the tireless work of NATLFED volunteers, and building up a clandestine network that WILL one day topple the US state and bring about socialism. In Cuba they talk about it all the time, but the media doesn’t want you to know that. I personally am friends with Fidel, and he tells me that as long as the CPUSA (Provisional) keeps up its work, then one brave September 11th, US imperialism will be toppled from within.

Sure, other communist organisations may tell you they’re into some edgy underground shit, or have some cool foreign connections. But while the RCPUSA and the ISO and the ROL prattle on about Allende, only the CPUSA (Provisional) was involved in a secret meeting with Allende prior to his death in which he donated 100 crates of Heinz Baked Beans to a CPUSA (Provisional) food drive.

So next time you talk to some fake communist who thinks they know about revolution, ask them where they were on September 11th, 1961. I can tell you where I was: On the moon, dropping acid with Schafik Handal.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/09/10/today-in-yesterday-the-history-of-september-11th/

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Clowns Probably in the Right
ON OCTOBER 10, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN ICOR, RIM, ROL, UK, US

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/clown.jpg?w=640

CHICAGO – Following months of intensive research into “the clown situation” in the US, top dialecticians at Worker’s Spatula have tentatively arrived at the conclusion that the clowns are probably in the right.

“All we’re saying is, these clowns aren’t apparently exploiting or oppressing anyone. They seem to have rejected bourgeois society and taken to the woods in the dead of night. This places them somewhere in the range of Jill Stein or the Revolutionary Organization of Labor [sic] in terms of their praxis.

“Look, it’s not as if anyone else around here knows what they’re doing such that we’re in a position to criticise the clowns. We think they’re gathering forces for a Maoist people’s war?”

Evidence for this latter claim is largely found in news out of British Columbia that one “Subcomandante Bozo” performed a spooky pantomime at half three in the morning outside a reporter’s window, which depicted the surrounding of urban areas from the woods, and implying the occupation of larger parks within cities.

Reports of clown sightings in the UK have are on the rise, with a sighting in Durham confirming Worker’s Spatula’s suspicions that the clowns are on the right side of history: “If you’re going to be from England, at least be from the north of England,” opined our Glasgow correspondent.

“We call on these clowns to carry their reign of terror to the representatives of London rule in occupied Northumbria. Long live the clowns, death to England!”

Multiple instances of graffiti have been spotted in York’s Walmgate Stray, reading “DON’T VOTE THROW PIES”. Local police have taken to questioning suspicious-looking youth to determine if they are or are not “down with the clown”.

While initial opinion polls indicated a high level of fear and distrust of the clowns by the public at large, a spike in public sympathy for the clowns has been observed following reports of several clown sightings in Dublin prior to the disappearance of pop star and eyewear aficionado Bono.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/10/10/clowns-probably-in-the-right/

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cu0qMyiW8AAR7_K.jpg

[Eng Subs] Kvartal 95: Ukrainian Comedy Studio parodies PM Yatsenyuk

Ukraine War Awareness

Published on Oct 21, 2016

Kvartal 95 is a Comedy Studio based in Kiev that host a lot of Comedy Club Shows and Film Parodies of Russian and Ukrainian Movies and Events. This Parody features Former Ukrainian PM Arseniy Yatsenyuk and the Domestic Economical Problems of Ukraine. Where the Reforms at? This is not to be taken as an attack on Ukrainian Economy by Ukrainian's, but most find it funny due to the truth it contains. Released in December, 2015.
All Credit to: Kvartal 95 Studio.
Translated by: Ukraine War Awareness.


http://youtu.be/GUPhqnnu_A4

Study Finds US Millenials Prefer Stalin to Jesus
ON OCTOBER 30, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN ACADEMIC LEFT, APL, US

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/saintstalin.jpg

NEW YORK – A new study commissioned by the Victims of Communism Memorial Foundation and YouGov has revealed a very high level of support for the proletarian ideology, with the majority of young people responding favourably to Marx and Lenin quotes, and preferring the ethical teachings of Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin to those of Jesus of Nazareth.

While many of those interviewed for the study stated that they had not even heard of Stalin, many others appear to have wilfully responded in defence of the late Soviet leader. The report contains quotes from several young people to the effect of “Stalin did nothing wrong, that’s a bourgeois lie”, and “what are you, a Trotskyite?”.

Conversely, although the general trend was to ascribe a greater number of innocent deaths to the administration of George Walker Bush than that of Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin, most young people who opined that Stalin was responsible for more innocent deaths added comments to the effect of “I’m no tankie, at least Bush liberated Iraq from the Russian agent, Saddam”.

Christians and Republicans around the United States are vocally disturbed by the results. However Michael Wisniewski, a spokesman for the Victims of Communism Memorial Foundation, said that they were not altogether surprising:

“These days, most university campuses are biased in favour of communism and other totalitarian ideologies and against traditional values. This is because of the influence of tenured Marxist professors who gained their status thanks to covert Soviet funding and pressure from Soviet agents and their front organisations during the Cold War.”

Indeed, hardly a university in the northeastern United States can be found which lacks a so-called “safe space”, many of which house the Collected Works of Stalin, as well as the Qur’an, although several have a strict ban on the Christian Bible on the grounds that it is “cissexist”. We sat down with a representative of the Students for Justice in Palestine at Brooklyn College in New York, who asked that her name not be used because “you look like a cop”:

“The Christian Bible is a reactionary and Zionist document. The Noble Qur’an, however, was revealed to Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam without Zionist or TERF influence. It triggers no one.”

The “All Marxist-Leninist Union”, famous for its work with campus Stalin apologist Grover Furr, has also successfully petitioned Rutgers University, which has previously rejected public acknowledgement of the Christian Ten Commandments on grounds of “secularism”, to begin construction of a monument honouring the Ten Islamic Commandments.

This follows mere weeks after Harvard University ignored the ongoing protests and allowed a public talk by Ali Shariati, Iranian communist and proponent of the Vilayat-e Faqih, although the Harvard Hillel is currently on probation for a “culturally insensitive” event on the cuisine of Israel.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/10/30/study-finds-us-millenials-prefer-stalin-to-jesus/

Study Finds US Millenials Prefer Stalin to Jesus

Wow! I am inline with the millennials! I prefer Stalin to Jesus (or any other myth)!

Enver Hoxha Elected President of the United States
ON NOVEMBER 8, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN APL, ESP, ICMLPO(U&S), ICOR, IMCWP, PC(AP), RIM, US

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/11/hoxhawins.png

WASHINGTON D.C. – Following a tense campaign between feminist theorist Hillary Clinton and male underwear model Donald Trump, the polls for the 2016 US Presidential Election closed today with every single state reporting back a win for the late Albanian socialist Enver Hoxha.

Most analysts are at a loss for how the deceased anti-imperialist who is not even a US citizen could have beaten out the Clinton dynasty and Trump’s name-brand recognition as a famous academic and gourmet halal butcher. However, communists across the world are making the claim that the accelerationist strategy of the many US communists who infiltrated Trump’s campaign has actually paid off: The fascist threat was simply perceived as so great that the masses across the United States had nowhere to turn but a heroic anti-fascist partisan leader.

Across the United States, celebrating youth took to the streets with their Albanian flags. “It’s really happening!” exclaimed a young woman who identified herself as “Red Dawn”, with tears of joy in her eyes, “The revisionists are going to get it now! Throw ’em into the fire, break their backs!”

“We did it, comrades! Marxism-Leninism, Marxism-Leninism, Marxism-Leninism!” announced Hoxha campaign representative Alfonso Casal, from his personal bunker in Chicago. “Hope is all around us. Liberation is coming. I would like to announce my own candidacy for mayor of Chicago. I will be running on a platform of punching Rahm Emanuel in the fucking face.”

In her concession speech, Clinton stated that “Although I think expropriating the expropriators, national liberation, and bunkers from sea to shining sea are not the sort of policies that will help America, I believe in the peaceful transition of power. This is what makes our country truly great, and I call on all Americans to accept that we now live under a dictatorship of the proletariat.”

For his part, Trump responded to the question “How do you feel about losing?” by saying “Oh, did I lose?” before laughing a big belly laugh and evaporating before the very eyes of assembled reporters.

Our Santiago representative sat down with a young man in dire need of a haircut to discuss the international reaction to the Hoxha win:

“Well, tas tas tas, obviously.” explained the PC(AP) representative. “The ICMLPO is ecstatic, and ICOR elements are already looking into how to use this win as leverage in the campaigns to free Figen Yüksekdağ and Alp Altınörs.

“The RIM Maoists have declared it a win for ‘dogmato-revisionism’, but who really understands what those guys are talking about? Red suns and higher stages and dogmato-revisionism, it’s all quite spooky.”

The KKE also released a statement which summarised the win as representing “the will of the people of the United States, and proof that exclusively running in bourgeois elections while eschewing all compromise is a sure path to victory.”

While international communist response to the Hoxha win was generally cautiously optimistic to positive, the local official representatives of “communism”, the CPUSA, released the following statement:

“We condemn this adventurist victory on behalf of the Enver Hoxha campaign, which, like the Sanders campaign before it, could threaten the Democrats’ ability to control 100% of the senate and congress, which we must reiterate is the only way in which we can hope to subjectively intervene and present ourselves with better objective conditions.”

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/11/08/enver-hoxha-elected-president-of-the-united-states/

Privilege Cheka ‏@AfriCommunist 5m5 minutes ago

- Also Sprach Zarathustra

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CxE9cLFWIAA_F90.jpg

Sometimes this is why we fight

Trump and Žižek: “Necessity isn’t Necessary”
ON NOVEMBER 11, 2016 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN ACADEMIC LEFT, CPGB-ML, US

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2016/11/trumpzizek.jpg?w=640

WASHINGTON D.C. – Following his monumental victory over the forces of Clintonite fascism, Donald Trump agreed to take part in a live discussion segment on Fox News earlier today with fellow philosopher, accelerationist, and known Slovene Slavoj Žižek. The topic, chosen by Trump, was “What does Hegel mean for politics today?”

Žižek began the discussion thus: “I think one of the most important moments in Hegel is where he identifies the importance of the French Revolution not in its mere overturning of the old order, but how its participants actually took active part in radical attacks on the very institutions they themselves erected in the pursuit of the ideals those institutions represented.”

“Philosophy of Right, a personal favourite,” interjected a nodding and dignified-looking Trump. “The best.”

“How do you think this conception of revolutionary change will apply to your presidency?” Žižek asked the president-elect, previously best known for his halal steak business, Trump Steaks.

“Slavoj, let me tell you, it’s gonna be huge. We’re going to negate all the negations. We’re going to sublate so much you’re going to get tired of all the sublation. We’re going to American manufacture multiple levels of contradiction and sell them to the Chinese.”

At this point in the discussion, Hannibal Buress appeared behind Trump and began clapping alone for several seconds.

“Make America dialectical again. We’re going to put America back to work more and more until the quantity transforms into quality and then right the fuck back into quantity. Big time.”

“Do you suppose that your victory signifies a success in appropriating fascism, but for the left?” asked Žižek, apparently in earnest.

“Slavoj, my good friend, and, hold on, I gotta say this, I really love this guy. Of all the Slovenes who have ever handled my genitals, he is easily in the top ten. Easily. He handles genitals big league. But to answer your question, if I were to say what my campaign was about, it wasn’t about freedom. That’s not the thing in itself. Because freedom isn’t free, but neither is necessity. Additionally, neither are, strictly speaking, necessary. And that’s the sort of America I want to live in.”

“That was an Engels joke, you see what we did there, right?” asked Žižek, breaking the fourth wall for the benefit of any CPGB-ML readers who may have stumbled across our liberal, bourgeois, Scottish nationalist page.

The last four minutes of the interview were dominated by both participants sniffing continuously and tugging at their own clothes, just looking very uncomfortable.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2016/11/11/trump-and-zizek-necessity-isnt-necessary/

Wanted to repost this here, because I thought it was very funny and I think it got lost before. Anyway:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CyoDIZ6UkAAzA7q.jpg:large

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Czc0iDuVEAACbVH.jpg

courtesy:

☭ Marxy Xmas ☭ ‏@Fsociety_NZ Dec 11
The deeper you go into being a libertarian, the worse it gets.

RIP, Zsa Zsa

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cz_veV8VQAEgUpM.jpg

RIP, Zsa Zsa

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cz_veV8VQAEgUpM.jpg

Droll, man, droll.

tweet cartoon

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C0r1Jc6W8AAX3K0.jpg

How many Trots does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-You can read all about our critical support for lightbulb changing in our paper.

Worker's Spatula

You've probably seen this...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C1LsTGdXUAAqa5k.jpg

improved version:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C1ORRMTUkAEcrGg.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C2EA8wOUUAABaz3.jpg

It really is astonishing how many terrorist carry their passports to their 'final engagement'. What a massive coincidence.

And they can't even see it...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C2gNWC0WEAgnR2X.jpg

“The USSR Never Fell”, say CIA-backed Leftists
ON JANUARY 19, 2017 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN CPA(ML), RCPUSA, RIM, RUSSIA, SWP (US), US

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2017/01/commietrump.jpg?w=640

CHICAGO – It has been nearly 50 years since all of these U.S. left-wing organisations have been able to sit together in the same room, and the tension is palpable. But no one present is here to revive old arguments about Trotsky, Mao, and Stalin, or whether it is better to organise on a trans-national class basis or on the basis of oppressed nations.

“We have to refute these bourgeois lies,” Carrie Szymanski, founder of the Three Worlds Society began, to rapturous applause: “The USSR never fell, and those who claim that Kazakhstan or Estonia are sovereign states are victims of the most base FBI psy-ops.”

The conference—”Towards A Worker’s Struggle Against Revisionism: New Perspectives”—was called on short notice to coincide with the inauguration of president-elect Donald Trump, and brought together various far-left CIA front groups—no matter whether M, ML, MLM, MLT, or MLTP in ideology—for the first time since a series of acrimonious splits in the mid-20th century.

“Anyone who claims that the country Sarah Palin could see from her house is the so-called ‘Russian Federation’ has objectively fallen into dogmato-revisionist Brezhnevo-Bordigaism, and is standing in the way of the inevitable victory of Communism,” Szymanski continued, sending the crowd to fever pitch of shouting.

Bob Avakian, who has taken a break from his busy schedule as the Karl Marx of our time to attend the conference was next up at the podium. Upon seizing the microphone, he began: “Yes, y’all. Is this thing on? The Soviet imperialists are indeed still a threat. Together with the forces of the FBI, the Soviet Imperialists conspired to defeat our popular front efforts with Ted Cruz during the Republican primaries.

“If we stop the FBI, we stop Russia: This dangerous internal arm of US imperialism has time and again thwarted our efforts to educate the Afro-American masses about their national leader, Bob Avakian. Anyone who does not now unite with the CIA in struggle against the FBI is objectively Phünwangist.”

The US SWP sent up their spokesperson next: “Isn’t the real problem Hamas? I mean, just think about it. Really think about it,” they said, to approving nods from the assembled.

So what has led all of these diverse CIA front groups to temporarily bury the hatchet after so many years of semi-libellous journal articles, exchanges of cursing on obscure Yahoo Newsgroups and occasional spite-fucking?

“Normally, we wouldn’t be able to convince Trotskyist CIA members to endorse a call that doesn’t include a reference to the Soviet Union as ‘Stalinist’,” one participant told us. “However, the election of Donald Trump is a move that threatens all CIA-backed left groups, and so for once they had to show some fucking solidarity.”

Should the USSR remain an extant and sovereign state, a position which every single one of the conference’s speakers vigorously defended, Donald Trump’s perceived closeness with Moscow would radically decrease his popularity among the Republican base, hampering his attempts to control Congress and likely bringing forward the date of his assassination by 5-8 weeks.

Nonetheless, an enormous amount of diplomatic effort went into getting the disparate groups into the same room: “They asked us at basic training who wanted to be a part of a white nationalist group, and every hand went up,” one long-standing activist recalled. “I drew the short straw, and ended up in a New Communist Movement-influenced commune in Philadelphia,” explained Szymanski to us on the floor of the conference hall.

“But in 1977, we had a huge fight over ‘Socialism with Chinese Characteristics’, and we split. I mean, fuck Deng Xiaoping, man, fuck him.”

“Fuck you, you fucking crypto-Hoxhaite left deviationist!” shouted Tim (you all know which one), who had found his way to the conference somehow.

The veteran Maoist burst into tears. “It’s just so hurtful. If it weren’t for my CIA paycheque, I’d move to Australia and join the CPA(ML).”

A counter-protest organised by FBI front groups in front of the venue attracted over ten thousand promises of attendance on Facebook, but WS investigation revealed only seven people, three placards and one dog had turned up.

Worker’s Spatula did meet one actually class conscious individual who didn’t support either the FBI or the CIA against one another. She appeared to have been invited by mistake, and agreed to talk to us on grounds of anonymity: “At first I thought this whole thing was some kind of communist joke,” the young woman wearing an Engels t-shirt. “But then I found out that lunch was catered.”

“Only the state has the kind of resources to provide that much bream.”

At time of press, someone who had put up their hand to ask a question was on their ninth minute of explaining their micro-sect’s definition of the true nature of the Soviet Union.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2017/01/19/the-ussr-never-fell-say-cia-backed-leftists/

I suppose this is self criticism of a sort and with Bob Avakian as a punchline how can ya go wrong?

Worker’s Spatula Central Committee on Trump Inauguration
ON JANUARY 21, 2017 BY WORKER'S SPATULA

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2017/01/fuckyourflag.jpg?w=640

KO SAMUI, THAILAND – The Worker’s Spatula (WS) Central Committee made a rare public appearance today in a luxury resort on the beautiful island of Ko Samui on the occasion of the inauguration of Donald Trump as a President of the United States of Freedom But Not Necessity.

A brief statement was read by a US comrade, wearing – like all the other Central Committee members – an Islamic bathing suit, sunglasses and a keffiyeh wrapped round his face to hide his identity:


As is well known, Worker’s Spatula was the single most powerful force behind Donald Trump’s victory over not only the RCPUSA-backed Ted Cruz, but the Trotskyite Hillary Clinton. We relentlessly supported him at a time where all the typical left-liberal comedians were still laughing at him.

WELL WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS? THE SPATULA!

This comedy, however, was just a red herring. Did anyone see that movie? No?

So, we would like to announce, as you have all doubtless figured out by now, that the US presidential election was a charade. Donald Trump is in fact an impostor pretending to be president. The real president, as everyone predicted all along, will be labour aristocracy-coddler and soup addict Bernie Sanders.

Congratulations to Bernie Sanders on your well-deserved win! You did it, buddy!

Victory to the masses rising up against the farcical and clearly satirical “presidency” of Donald Trump, focal point of the ever-accelerating dialectic!

LAND AND FREEDOM TO ALL OPPRESSED PEOPLES IN THE IMPERIALIST UNITED STATES!

DEATH TO HILLARY CLINTON AND BARACK OBAMA!

WORKER’S SPATULA: WE OUT!
Fireworks lit up the night sky over the beach across which the WS Central Committee was walking, slurping on their delicious alcohol-free cocktails served in sliced-up coconuts.

A German comrade was heard mumbling „Wer nicht mal so viel von Dialektik versteht, der kann mich im Arsch lecken…“ as he disappeared under a palm tree.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2017/01/21/workers-spatula-central-committee-on-trump-inauguration/

flow chart

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C2ywLY1UQAEwoye.jpg

A message from North Korea

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C3SC6sMW8AIRaqV.jpg

ya gotta laugh at somethin'...

ya gotta laugh at somethin'...

Yeah, but a lot of this shit is getting pretty un-funny, pretty fast. On the twit this morning, people are losing their minds over Trump's filing for candidacy in the 2020 pres. election. Evidently his being a "candidate" makes it illegal for nonprofit orgs to launch any kind of campaign against him, personally - they can only deal with "issues". This makes it much more difficult for liberal orgs to attack him. The tweeters were asking "How can Trump do this?" "It can't be legal!" and other such shit. But no one asked why anyone hasn't done it before. This move may hobble criticism of Trump, and if so, it is a very astute move on his part. What these liberal tweeters are actually bitching about is how stupid they and their party is and have always been. Now THAT is funny!

Yeah, but a lot of this shit is getting pretty un-funny, pretty fast. On the twit this morning, people are losing their minds over Trump's filing for candidacy in the 2020 pres. election. Evidently his being a "candidate" makes it illegal for nonprofit orgs to launch any kind of campaign against him, personally - they can only deal with "issues". This makes it much more difficult for liberal orgs to attack him. The tweeters were asking "How can Trump do this?" "It can't be legal!" and other such shit. But no one asked why anyone hasn't done it before. This move may hobble criticism of Trump, and if so, it is a very astute move on his part. What these liberal tweeters are actually bitching about is how stupid they and their party is and have always been. Now THAT is funny!

It was astute of Team Trump, but only cause they got the liberals figured out. While the liberals, because of their absolute allegiance to capitalism, cannot attack him on issues with which they share a basic commonality despite some superficial difference, so all they got is the personal. If that is indeed the way it works out seems to me that a party, movement, or something fer chris'sake that is not encumbered by a hard-on for capitalism & imperialism might indeed become a vanguard, attacking on basis of policy and bringing it all together, as it were. Could be.....

Fuck Walt Disney

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C4Q66DkWYAI6f5E.jpg https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C4Q8KzYWAAANS-u.jpg

anything but communism...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C4jaCNYWAAA1FcK.jpg

Make your own moderate liberal phrase

https://pics.onsizzle.com/make-your-own-moderate-american-liberal-phrase-4-day-of-15364403.png

This actually works quite well, anything generated will make perfect sense to a liberal, but not anyone else.

Trots Secretly Reading Worker’s Spatula
ON MARCH 19, 2017 BY WORKER'S SPATULAIN ISO (US), SEP, SOCIALIST ALTERNATIVE (US), SOLIDARITY (US), US

https://workersspatula.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/secret.jpg

AUSTIN, TEXAS – Following over a year of publicly referring to Worker’s Spatula as “the worst”, “diet Assadism”, “tankie nonsense”, and “Stalinist idiocy”, several “in the know” sources have confirmed that the Trotskyists secretly can’t stop reading Worker’s Spatula.

“The other night I woke up and realised I was in bed alone,” one source told us, in lurid detail: “I went into the living room and saw my partner was awake and staring intently at his laptop screen. He slammed it shut when he saw me, so of course I assumed it was pornography.

“While he was in the bathroom, I entered his password, which I guessed was the same as his e-mail password: P3rm4n3nt. He hadn’t even had time to close the incognito window, which was full of Worker’s Spatula tabs. I had to close the lid before he came out, so I couldn’t tell you what the pieces were, but at least one of them was about Žižek.”

Local Austin Socialist Alternative cadre have likewise been spotted checking the Worker’s Spatula reading list since the start of 2017. Mere hours after the latest reading list assignment was posted, suddenly all the younger cadre were reportedly discussing the importance of Hegel’s stance on the French Revolution, having previously been unconcerned with Hegel or the French Revolution.

One ISO affiliate met with us on condition of anonymity. We can reveal that she had with her a Barnes & Noble bag which contained the Foundations of Leninism.

“You’re not the sort of Stalinists I expect, I’ll give you that. Sometimes you make fairly good points and force me to rethink some of my positions, instead of just appealing to a caricatured anti-imperialism combined with an overly defensive posture about so-called ‘socialist states’. I am a little concerned that you keep joking about murdering Trots, but that is just a joke, right?”

Our ISO source ascribed the lack of reports of SEP and Solidarity affiliated Trotskyists reading the Spatula to Solidarity having “no sense of humour about themselves” and the SEP having “no sense of humour at all”.

A similar investigation was planned to determine the extent to which the “China is still socialist” crowd read the Spatula, but it was called off upon being unable to find any representatives who could confirm reading anything longer than 140 characters.

https://workersspatula.wordpress.com/2017/03/19/trots-secretly-reading-workers-spatula/

A similar investigation was planned to determine the extent to which the “China is still socialist” crowd read the Spatula, but it was called off upon being unable to find any representatives who could confirm reading anything longer than 140 characters.

I must have missed this before. Really funny and maybe astute...