chlamor
11-11-2007, 08:11 PM
Now I have a sports-related gripe to air!
Like most upscale professionals with a serious career track, I have some of the finest in sporting equipment. I understand that if you're going to buy something, you should buy the best, no matter what your skill level. Because really, when it comes down to it, you are what you buy and what you own. So who wants to be a cheap, inferior person? I don't. Not in a million years.
One of the problems of living in a new hipster-oriented mountain town is that since it's not quite there at the neo-Boulder status that it soon will occupy, there's a shortage in true upscale sporting goods shops. When you go to Boulder or Aspen you can find Ferrari and BMW mountain bikes that sell for $5,000 and up. Anyone who is anybody knows that if you can afford to buy a $5,000 mountain bike, you're a true professional who is going places -- and who can afford any upgrade he wants. Having a Ferrari or BMW logo on your mountain bike is just icing on the cake!
Somewhere at the bottom end of the mountain bike food chain is that stupid contraption called the "single speed" bike. I don't get that thing at all. To me it seems like it achieves the exact opposite of what owning a mountain bike is supposed to achieve. I mean, listen -- when I have a $7500 Ferrari carbon-framed mountain bike on top of my Hummer's roof rack, people know that I'm a successful professional who can afford the very best. They stand open-mouthed in awe and envy of my purchasing power. I've even had little kids ask for my autograph!
But a single speed bike doesn't have enough opportunities for upgrading and demonstration of true purchasing power. It has no shifters. It has no front gear-changer thing. It has no back gear-changer thing. And let me tell you, man -- those gear-changer things are a primo opportunity to show you are a true professional with upscale tastes. The top-of-the-line models cost about 5 or 6 times as much as the lower-end models. That fact alone means you give up a huge chance for showing people that you're not only ready for an upgrade, but that you can afford an upgrade to the very best!
Also, when you spend 80 or more hours per week earning your professional upscale lifestyle income, you need a bunch of gear selections to handle the different sizes of hill that you will face when you go ride those off-road trails. I went the other day to a place that had some wicked hard hills -- some of them lasted for at least 10 minutes. Can you imagine that, going UPhill for at least 10 minutes on a bike? Let me tell you, it's easy in the Hummer, that thing goes uphill for you. But on the bike, hey man, you have to do the work yourself. And even though I can afford the very best, I'm too busy earning my upscale professional lifestyle big salary to be bothered with what those single speed riders call "training" on their bikes. I don't get that idea of "training." What's the point? The whole reason to get into mountain bike riding is to have another way to prove you are a superior American, because you own and use the very best of what there is. When you can prove you are accustomed to owning the best of everything, you have basically shown the world that you are in the top class of human beings -- the upscale lifestyle professional.
After all, what is the point in working 80 or more hours a week, if you can't go spend your professional lifestyle earnings on some of the very best items available in our great American economy?
The other day I saw some guy riding one of those single speed bikes. He didn't have on any pro team jersey or shorts. His bike wasn't even tricked out in any way, it didn't have any matching color schemes or titanium parts. And I swear, it looked like he actually rode his bike all the way to the trail, instead of putting it on his car's roof rack and driving it there. I guess he's too poor to own a car! Or maybe he's ashamed of his car and doesn't want to be seen driving it because he's aware that only hot SUVs like my Hummer will score the hot chicks.
I saw him glance my way as he rode past me while I was gearing up for my ride. The jealousy was obvious! I knew that what he really wanted to know was, "MAN! What does THAT GUY do for a living? He's got it MADE!" It was so incredibly obvious!
That look alone was worth all the hours I worked last month to buy my hot new upscale mountain bike. And hey man, he hadn't even seen my professional jersey yet! I was still in my suit and tie. Maybe that's why he was jealous, since he probably doesn't get to wear a suit and tie for work!
About 15 minutes later, when I had finished changing into my professional level riding gear, a few other riders came by on those single speed bikes. One of them looked at my bike and my Hummer and said, "hey, nice ride" but it sounded sorta funny. Maybe it's that native Montana way of talking, you know they talk really slow out here because they haven't yet got the clue that time is money. But I'm sure he was jealous.
They all are.
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/26/50752871_1d39139df4.jpg
Like most upscale professionals with a serious career track, I have some of the finest in sporting equipment. I understand that if you're going to buy something, you should buy the best, no matter what your skill level. Because really, when it comes down to it, you are what you buy and what you own. So who wants to be a cheap, inferior person? I don't. Not in a million years.
One of the problems of living in a new hipster-oriented mountain town is that since it's not quite there at the neo-Boulder status that it soon will occupy, there's a shortage in true upscale sporting goods shops. When you go to Boulder or Aspen you can find Ferrari and BMW mountain bikes that sell for $5,000 and up. Anyone who is anybody knows that if you can afford to buy a $5,000 mountain bike, you're a true professional who is going places -- and who can afford any upgrade he wants. Having a Ferrari or BMW logo on your mountain bike is just icing on the cake!
Somewhere at the bottom end of the mountain bike food chain is that stupid contraption called the "single speed" bike. I don't get that thing at all. To me it seems like it achieves the exact opposite of what owning a mountain bike is supposed to achieve. I mean, listen -- when I have a $7500 Ferrari carbon-framed mountain bike on top of my Hummer's roof rack, people know that I'm a successful professional who can afford the very best. They stand open-mouthed in awe and envy of my purchasing power. I've even had little kids ask for my autograph!
But a single speed bike doesn't have enough opportunities for upgrading and demonstration of true purchasing power. It has no shifters. It has no front gear-changer thing. It has no back gear-changer thing. And let me tell you, man -- those gear-changer things are a primo opportunity to show you are a true professional with upscale tastes. The top-of-the-line models cost about 5 or 6 times as much as the lower-end models. That fact alone means you give up a huge chance for showing people that you're not only ready for an upgrade, but that you can afford an upgrade to the very best!
Also, when you spend 80 or more hours per week earning your professional upscale lifestyle income, you need a bunch of gear selections to handle the different sizes of hill that you will face when you go ride those off-road trails. I went the other day to a place that had some wicked hard hills -- some of them lasted for at least 10 minutes. Can you imagine that, going UPhill for at least 10 minutes on a bike? Let me tell you, it's easy in the Hummer, that thing goes uphill for you. But on the bike, hey man, you have to do the work yourself. And even though I can afford the very best, I'm too busy earning my upscale professional lifestyle big salary to be bothered with what those single speed riders call "training" on their bikes. I don't get that idea of "training." What's the point? The whole reason to get into mountain bike riding is to have another way to prove you are a superior American, because you own and use the very best of what there is. When you can prove you are accustomed to owning the best of everything, you have basically shown the world that you are in the top class of human beings -- the upscale lifestyle professional.
After all, what is the point in working 80 or more hours a week, if you can't go spend your professional lifestyle earnings on some of the very best items available in our great American economy?
The other day I saw some guy riding one of those single speed bikes. He didn't have on any pro team jersey or shorts. His bike wasn't even tricked out in any way, it didn't have any matching color schemes or titanium parts. And I swear, it looked like he actually rode his bike all the way to the trail, instead of putting it on his car's roof rack and driving it there. I guess he's too poor to own a car! Or maybe he's ashamed of his car and doesn't want to be seen driving it because he's aware that only hot SUVs like my Hummer will score the hot chicks.
I saw him glance my way as he rode past me while I was gearing up for my ride. The jealousy was obvious! I knew that what he really wanted to know was, "MAN! What does THAT GUY do for a living? He's got it MADE!" It was so incredibly obvious!
That look alone was worth all the hours I worked last month to buy my hot new upscale mountain bike. And hey man, he hadn't even seen my professional jersey yet! I was still in my suit and tie. Maybe that's why he was jealous, since he probably doesn't get to wear a suit and tie for work!
About 15 minutes later, when I had finished changing into my professional level riding gear, a few other riders came by on those single speed bikes. One of them looked at my bike and my Hummer and said, "hey, nice ride" but it sounded sorta funny. Maybe it's that native Montana way of talking, you know they talk really slow out here because they haven't yet got the clue that time is money. But I'm sure he was jealous.
They all are.
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/26/50752871_1d39139df4.jpg